With pride celebrations, a rise in politics in everyday life, and the distinct separation between the right and the left, it’s easy to assume that the LGBTQIA+ community is tightly knit – a community that thrives on the celebration of each other in the face of oppression. To be queer means to celebrate one another despite our similarities or differences, and to stand together against a system that actively fights against us. But even within the community, flaws remain which lead to the conclusion that, as The London School of Economics and Political Science puts it, oppression can still exist amongst the oppressed.
To Be Gay vs To Be Queer
Misogyny is deeply rooted and to be a member of the LGBTQIA+ community often comes with the negatively perceived connotation of femininity, especially for gay males. This leads some gay men to carry this misogyny into the community, leading to a hierarchy that they themselves put in place. As gay men, we have to ask ourselves: are we gay, or are we queer?
By Tufts University’s definition, and of course many won’t choose to identify closely with the term, queerness aligns with anyone who identifies outside of the gender/sexuality norm. This term, by definition, unites all of the LGBTQ+ community’s members, so shouldn’t we all be in this together? It’s a fine line separating what it means to be queer and to be gay, and it’s often crossed over back and forth from time to time, sometimes only when it benefits our argument as to how we aren’t being seen by society. When it comes to our existence within the community, however, it’s a question we owe to the rest of the community to answer.
Misogyny’s Deep-Rooted Effects
It’s no question that gay youth face utter turmoil when their identity surfaces to the point of acceptance. They’re faced with slurs and words with feminine connotations, i.e. fairy, pixie, flower, words of this nature. However, when faced with the problem of either ditching this misogynistic point of view drilled into our brains for the sake of building community versus holding onto it in order to better one’s perception of themself, some gay men opt for the latter, sometimes easier option.
In queer-centered spaces, this division is clear. There are people coexisting: some extremely eccentric, letting who they are fly free, while others may be much more low-key, keeping to themselves and each other. This group is one that puts on a mask, portraying themselves as straight-passing. This wouldn’t be an issue as everyone is free to be who they are and to present themselves accordingly, but it’s in concepts like “masc for masc” where issues truly begin to arise.
Masc for Masc: A Preference or a Prejudice?
A term coined roughly around 2010-2012, JJ Malibu, an LGBT clothing website, defined it as “a term often used by gay men on dating apps to announce that a ‘straight passing’ male is looking for another ‘straight passing’ male.” This group, often holding onto their misogynistic perspective – blatant or subtle – tends to view themselves as more valuable or more “normal” than the contrasting group, hence their straight portrayal.
This straight-passing, very masculine group closes their mind off to different forms of queerness, seeking to pursue only like-minded, other masculine gay men. From here, the queer hierarchy is formed, and especially amongst gay men, this “masc for masc” group has placed themselves at the top.
The Role Femininity Plays in the Gay World
Gay men, with the idea of the “gay best friend,” have become one of the most digestible and first members of the queer community to be generally accepted into society. Our stereotypical flamboyance, dramatics, and femininity are factors girls have grown increasingly attracted to, to the point where we’re seen almost as a pet to them. On the other hand, this same stereotype is what has kept us on the outside of society for so many years.
This concept has birthed the moral stance on gay men, deeming it okay as long as it isn’t getting shoved down the third party’s throat. This idea not only devalues more feminine men, but it also gives the “masc for masc” gay men something to base their personality off of – something they can look at what not to be in order to make their identity more palatable.
Destroying Community From the Inside
This hierarchy is founded upon the same system that placed the LGBTQ+ community lower in society to begin with – that being misogyny. Society has told us that men being attracted to other men makes them more feminine, and thereby grants them less value. While femininity isn’t something to be feared or something we should aim to deter from, it’s been instilled in us that being feminine means to be weak and to be less capable.
Given this negative connotation of femininity, “masc for masc” men often accept themselves as gay, yet refuse to associate themselves with the community. They have this thought process regarding queerness as weird or “doing too much,” often not even wanting to associate themselves with the rainbow flag. To strive to appear as straight-passing, and to seek out others doing the same, means to dissipate the very connection that brings the rest of the community together. By valuing straight-passing individuals, we’re encouraging the repression of our true selves, and thereby creating conflict within the community. Stemming from this, a separation within the community forms, and while that should not be the case – with the patterns of how societies function – it is.
What’s More Important: Community or Comfort?
The line between being a gay man and being a queer man is drawn at whether or not people are open, not only to all of their fellow queer people, but to embracing the history and culture that has gotten us to where we are today. While the term “queer” still exists as a label some identify with, it is also a mindset, an acceptance, and the bond that ties the LGBTQIA+ community together.
Existing amongst trans individuals, queer women, and gender nonconforming people – people who are different from ourselves – builds a stronger foundation in a community that needs all parties on board to continue to make waves towards social liberation. No one is truly free until we all are, so to build a hierarchy and to view others inside our own community as less-than is simply counterproductive, regressing the progress we have made thus far. We can’t forget that without lesbians and trans people, we wouldn’t be where we are now. They fought for us, the least we could do is recognize, thank, and respect them in return.
So to all of the “masc for masc” gay men, are you truly only attracted to more masculinity? Or are you really looking to create separation between yourself and femininity? This introspection is scary to many, but it’s crucial we face this question in order to, if nothing else, find true liberation within ourselves.